This Crowded Street
by alien09
Summary: While I still think that Catholicism is based largely on paganistic beliefs, it’s comforting to know that you aren’t simply just buried within six feet of earth. Brennan deals with her mother's death, as well as Booth's. BB. One-shot.


Christine Brennan's headstone looked weathered and battered as Brennan traced her fingers over her mother's name.

'Hi Mom,' Brennan said, hesitantly. 'It's me, Temperance. I'm…I really don't know why I'm here.'

It was true. Her mother's remains were likely slowly fading away into the dirt. It didn't make sense standing here, speaking to thin air.

_There isn't anything logical about speaking to your mother. But it'll make you feel better, Sweetie, I promise. Don't you at least owe yourself that much?_

Brennan trusted her best friend implicitly, but right now she was beginning to doubt her rationale. Making sure she was alone, Brennan cleared her throat and started again.

'Russ came down to see me last night. Amy and the girls are fine. Hayley's doing a lot better now since she was discharged. It's nice, seeing him so happy. He's still on parole though. Don't worry; he made sure his parole officer knew where he was.

Dad is still…it's been hard, trying to reconcile the fact that he wants to be back in my life. In the video, you said he was a good man. He gutted and burned a man, and then he left, and then he let Booth arrest him because he wants to be back in my life. It's confusing.'

Brennan looked down at the rusty dolphin belt she held in her hands.

'I didn't cry at your funeral. But…I had to be strong for Russ and Dad. I understand that it is usually the male who offers protection and comfort but they aren't as good as compartmentalizing as I am.' Brennan laughed bitterly. 'So I held it all in. I guess, in a sense, I never got to mourn you properly, to grieve for losing a loved one.

It's been hard because you're my mother and I never got to say goodbye. You just slipped away from me and I didn't even know. I always thought that you and Dad would come back, that'd I'd be able to see you again and…' Brennan stopped, feeling the painful lump in her throat. She glanced down, seeing the ring her mother had left her.

'I didn't get to see you smile at me. I didn't get to hear you tell me you loved me. I didn't get to do _anything_ before you just went away and it _hurts_.'

Tears were slowly tracking down her cheeks.

'My partner, Booth, he said that you're in heaven now with the angels. While I still think that Catholicism is based largely on paganistic beliefs, it's comforting to know that you aren't simply just buried within six feet of earth. While my mind doesn't allow me to invest the kind of faith and belief that Booth does, I've often wondered if heaven is as wonderful as everyone says it is. When Booth told me that, I saw you sitting amidst clouds and you were dressed in this white slip bathed in sunlight. It consoles me to keep that image in my head.'

Her fingers twisted a piece of grass off the ground.

'I hope you're proud of me. I've earned three doctorates and authored countless scholarly journals that have received critical praise from my peers. I'm recognized as an expert in my field and Za-Dr. Addy, is extremely competent. I'm a best-selling author as well, did I mention that? All those people who said I would never amount to anything, I proved them wrong.'

_What about your heart Tempe?_

Brennan squeezed her eyes shut. Had she just heard her mother's voice? No, she thought, shaking her head. It must merely be my subconscious prompting me towards another avenue of conversation.

'I'm not a people person but I'm lucky to have the few friends that I have. Angela – she was the one that was with me the last time – she told me to come see you. She's shown me that it's okay to step outside of my comfort zone and I don't know what I would do without her. Hodgins…ever since we were buried alive, having stared death in the face with him, I've felt a kind of connection. We're two scientists and co-workers, of course, but we have this one thing between us that's difficult for others to understand. Zach, despite his actions, he reminds me of myself. Always eager to learn, always willing to trust – he's become part of this makeshift family that Booth said I've made for myself. While I can't condone his actions, or why he did it, I'm going to stay with him as long as he needs me.'

Brennan fixed her gaze on a lady bug crawling across the roses she had brought along.

'And Booth…he's my partner. He's made his way under my skin. I trust him Mom, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Did I tell you he got shot? The FBI made him fake his own death and he didn't tell me, or rather Sweets didn't. He should have told me. Three years and he couldn't…when they told me that he was dead, that he was gone like you, I couldn't breathe. It felt like time had stopped and I simply existed. I was at the Jeffersonian all the time – the bones, they helped me forget. For a few hours, I could help this person _live, _give them closure and lay them to rest. At night I would crawl into bed, shut my eyes, and all I could see was Booth looking at me. I didn't eat, couldn't. Everytime I saw a slice of pie I would feel the urge to burst into tears.

I'm sorry I didn't feel this way when I heard you had died. It was a different kind of pain I felt. I understand that death is merely part of the circle of life. Death is what makes our lives finite, what pushes us to enjoy every single moment we have because we won't be able to experience it again. I acknowledge that. But Booth…he was supposed to _always _be by my side. Now that I know what loosing him, what not having him, is like…'

_I just want you to be happy._

Her breath hitched.

'It's hard being happy. I suppose you could call me pessimistic, cynical. But I'm trying.'

A branch snapped behind her and Brennan twisted around to see the sheepish expression on Booth's face. Hurriedly turning away, she tried to surreptitiously wipe her tears and make herself presentable.

'What are you doing here Booth?' Her voice sounded wobbly to her own ears. Had he heard anything?

'Angela said you were out here and I just…I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.'

'You should be resting Booth. I know you think that because the doctor believes that you're fit for desk duty, it means you're one step closer to being out in the-'

'Hey.'

Brennan felt the warm pad of his thumb trace her cheek. She let herself lean into the touch but kept her eyes closed.

'I'm fine Booth.'

'No, you're not.' Brennan's eyes flew open to meet his. 'But I'll make sure you will be.'

Brennan felt something warm seep through her.

'I'm ready to go now,' she said, Booth's hand sliding away from her face and coming to rest on her hand as she gave one final look at her mother's place of rest.

_The streets are too crowded with angels tonight. I hope you're one of them. I'll see you soon Mom._

'Give me a second Bones. You go ahead.'

Brennan gave him a weird look. What could he possibly have to say to a dead woman he hadn't even known? As she walked away, she heard his voice, barely audible.

'Thank you for having her.'


End file.
